So I end up staying at that normal-looking guy’s place (turns out his name is A.D.A.M.) He doesn’t seem like the type who would try anything, but I got Larry watching over me like always so I know he won’t try anything. His box is pretty comfy compared to all the rocks we’ve been sleeping on past few weeks.
Anyways, I wake up to a bunch of knocking which is really fucking annoying. The head law-man, Sheriff Caine,, is outside and he offers me money to go fight a bunch more of those crazy leather dudes. A.D.A.M. goes off to do something, and I tell Larry to wake me up around noon when I’m supposed to head into town to meet up with the sheriff. Of course, when I get into town, Stormageddon and hot guy, Jesus-Bob Disastro, are waiting there with A.D.A.M., who’s wearing an unusually casual shirt. Turns out it’s reinforced, and when he sees Larry having to stop and reattach his arm every few steps, he gives the shirt to the ol’ toaster to tie his arm on with.
So, the bunch of us get grouped together again because according to the sheriff, we “work well together.” Hah! But whatever. I’m pretty cool with Stormageddon, and Jesus is easy on the eyes. Our mission is to go to an outpost of the guys who we fucked up yesterday and destroy them, so we hop in a rover and head out. Of course, we get far enough out and a bunch of fucking manglers show up and poke their ugly heads through the windows and flip the car.
Jesus and Stormy scramble into the back, and the manglers are getting in so I slip out of the rover. And I’m glad I did too because as soon as we’re all clear of the car, I hear this weird noise and the thing BLOWS THE FUCK UP. Larry’s head goes flying from the blast. Unfortunately there are still a bunch of manglers, and one of them’s got its muzzles clamped onto Jesus’ arm and he’s screaming like a baby getting eaten by a razor hen.
I follow Larry to a safe distance and realize his arm’s back at the car, so I go tearing across the wasteland, back into mangler territory, to get it. It’s another close call because as soon as I’m helping Larry get himself together, a bunch of missiles drop out of the sky and beat the shit out of everyone over by the car and don’t explode. But the manglers are still going and now they’re pissed so Stormy gets one through the skull with her tail, sending brain bits and bone fucking everywhere. It’s awesome. I decide it’s time for the laser eye, and I end up splitting a mangler in half, opening its skin up like it has a zipper. A bunch of tiny manglers start eating their way out of their mother’s body, and Stormageddon nabs a few to take with us? I don’t know.
We decide the best thing to do is to blow the baby manglers up so they don’t kill us later, so we find ourselves a good spot and start chucking rocks at the missiles. Good old Stormy hits one and they go off like popcorn… really loud popcorn. Out of the explosions, the rover comes flying at us and lands in a twisted heap right next to Jesus.
So after that, everyone’s kind of wondering what to do next. It’ll be a long walk back home and a slightly less long walk to our destination, so I head off with Stormageddon who says she knows where we need to go. So far she’s been right about most things. Kid’s a fucking know-it-all, but sometimes I wonder if she really does know it all. Jesus and A.D.A.M. follow us and as it’s getting dark, we come across this bunch of houses. I switch of infrared to see when I notice that they’re all around us. Fucking degenerates. Fucking everywhere. Fuck.
I tell everyone we need to quietly back the fuck up when Larry loses his head, Stormy pulls off his arm, and Jesus gets hit in the face with his shoulder. Yeah. Real stealthy.
Larry and I take off, and since I’m the only one who can see, everyone follows me again. The degenerates close in fast, so: bazooka. About half the crowd following us drops from the impact, and the rest of my group sees for a split second why the hell I was getting the fuck out of there so fast. The rest of the horde circles around us. I grab my plank with the nail in it and take a swing at one. It connects and rotten flesh flies everywhere. It’s a disgusting way to go, but it’s the only option. I can’t shoot another shell at this close range. I manage to brain another one when the word lights up with a blast of radiation that seems to be coming from A.D.A.M. again. The probe swore he’s human, but I’m going to have to scan him again one of these days.
Fighting the biters off one by one isn’t working so I grab Larry and try to book it through the thinnest part of the growing horde. I’m not fast enough, but after a few minutes of surfing across and pushing through the biting, scratching, trampling crowd, I escape. My left arm’s mangled beyond use and I’m in serious danger of becoming a degenerate, but I had to get out of there. If I died, who would take care of Larry?
Suddenly, from the mass of degenerates, there’s another blast of radiation which drops half of the degenerates. Jesus collapses and A.D.A.M. carries him as we flee. Just before I pass out from the pain, I try to probe A.D.A.M. but he swipes it away and I’m out.
When I come to, someone’s screaming and I’m stuck in some sort of weird webbing. I can’t see very well, but some kind of deranged cat-spider is attacking Jesus and Stormageddon. I tell Larry to go help, but I really need to get that guy a weapon because his arm is just not up to hitting anything. I struggle to get out of the web, but I’m all sorts of tangled up. I grab my board and swing at the stuff, but I’m in rough shape and I get a nail to the head. Just before I collapse with the pain of it, I realize my left arm’s healed up and I smell… is that toast?
From my position on the ground, I can’t really see anything. There’s a lot of commotion and horrifying noises coming from outside the web. At one point I get splattered with some kind of goo that I hope came from the weird cat and not my companions. Suddenly, the cat’s head FUCKING EXPLODES. What the fuck?
After the initial shock of pain subsides, I pull the board out of my head. Not too bad. Hurts, but I seem to be able to move around and all. I use the eye the good ol’ doctor gave me to look for Ground Infinity in the distance. It doesn’t seem too far, and despite Stormy’s insistence that she knows better than me where the town is, we manage to get there. Jesus is all covered in radiation burn and his hair is falling out. I’m all bit and scratched and possibly brain damaged. Sheriff Caine is pissed.
Luckily, the local doctor they got there seems to be some fucking genius because I come away from his shack all patched up and not degenerate. Poor Jesus-Bob, though. Hot guy’s not so hot anymore.